百度知道 - 信息提示

I went to last Saturday Fuping County, Hebei Province, arrived at noon the same day where it rained this afternoon, so we had no choice but to呆了一下afternoon in a hotel the next morning went to the Fuping Tianshengqiao national geological park, where 11 Falls, of which the best waterfall to see the ninth. The reason why is "Tianshengqiao" because the first waterfall is from the top of a natural-dong down stream, in addition I also went to Ningwu County and Datong in Shanxi Province, before the went back to Beijing Laiyuan County, Hebei Province. 可以吗？

LZ， 你这段话中文看起来毛病不大，因为国内大家都习惯这么说话的 但是翻译成英文，毛病一堆，因为你的话没条理性，逻辑很不清晰，东拉一句，西扯一句。论据和论点混在一起是你最大的毛病 理科生的逻辑思维只能用在做题上么？ 给你补点理论知识： 一个能打动评委的自我介绍，必然是开头提出要求——我要上浙大，然后罗列为什么我能上浙大的种种理由，最后是结论——录取我是正确的选择 国外大学申请的personal statement都是这样的 下面是英文翻译 看好怎么组织结构 体现逻辑性的 Good morning/afternoon, ladies and gentlemen(如果没有女评委，直接称professors即可)，it is my honor to introduce myself briefly(简洁地)，my name is XXX, I am a science student who come from Shangdong province, enrolled(被录取) by Zhejiang University was always my dream since I was young, and I personally believe I can be considered with some advantages as follow: Firstly, I am good at studying. I rank top 10 in my grade almost every term, and acquire "Three Goods" student of Jiaozhou city many times during my senior school life. I believe it is a strong proof to support me to enter the university. Moreover, I also participate the National Olympic Competition of Mathematics, Biology and Chemistry, in all the three competitions I prize second, and it cannot be denied this is the other powerful evidence to make me enroll in the university. Besides, I take diverse of entertainment activities in school actively, in particularly, I often encourage the spirit of my classmates in the class session. Last but not least, to keep healthy, I insist to play table tennis and badminton during leisure time and PE class, so I have a good health and I always feel comfortable and ambitious. To sum up, With my determination, ability and intelligence, I am confident that I will be competent for your courses. I assure you that if provided a chance I will prove myself a promising and committed student